jokes n sms

English
Son on his honeymoon phoned his mom asking what 2 do. MOM : Put ur biggest thng on her hairiest thing. SON : got my nose in her armpit. Now what?

Urdu
Hum Gire Hue ko Uthate hai,
Hum Bichhde Hue Ko Milate Hai,
In Short Hum Bra Banate Hain.
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Urdu
Man: Kiss Karun?
Gal: Lipstick kharab hogi.
Man: Boob dabaun.?
Gal: T-shirt kharab hogi.?
Man: Fuck?
Gal: Period me hun.?
Man: Don't say loose motions hai
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English
Man says to his wife: Let me take a picture of your breasts, then I can always look at them. Wife: Let me take a picture of you penis, I will have it enlarged.
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English
Never dance naked because the body has parts that do not stop moving when
the music stops.
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English
When I was born I got the choice, or a major dick, or a fine memory. I am not able to remember what I did choose. .
English
" if u were a drum id bang u, if u were a pig id pork u, if u were a flower id root u, if u were a nail id screw u, but cos ur a sweetie ill make love 2 u!
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English
Sex is like NOKIA (connecting people) like NIKE (just do it) like PEPSI
(ask for more) like SAMSUNG (everyone is invited) and like ME (TO GOOD TO BE
TRUE)..
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Urdu
3 Facts of Life:
Ghareeb aur Boobs hamesha dabte hai.
Musibat aur penis kabhi bhi khade ho jate hai.
Kismat aur Bra kabhi bhi khul sakti hai.

Why do men pass gas more than women? Because women won't shut up long enough to build up pressure.
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Urdu
3 sach
gareeb or mama hamesha pakda jata hain
masla or lun kahin bi khada ho sakta hian
kismat or gand kahin bi khul sakti ha
yad rakhna
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English
When a man talks dirty to a woman, it's sexual harassment. When a woman talks dirty to a man, it's $$$ per minute
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English
Love is a name, Sex is a game. Forget the name and play the game!
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English
What is hard and long and full of semen? >>> Submarine <<<
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English
How to impress a woman: compliment her, kiss her, love her, tease her, protect her, listen to her, support her. How 2 impress a man: Show up naked, bring beer!!
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English
A man wanted 2 get married, He had a choice of 3 women. 1st woz a rich dcotor, 2nd woz a poor cleaner & 3rd woz a prostitute. WHO DID HE PICK? The 1 wid big tits!
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English
oday its cool to have small cars and small computers. Soon it will be cool to have a small penis too, then you my friend will be THE MAN!!
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English
I only have SEX on days that begin with T: Thanksgiving. Tuesday. Thursday. Today. Tomorrow. Thaturday. thunday.. Every thucking day!
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English
Of all the babes u r my selection please dont giv me a rejection. my teeth are clean for ur Inspection so giv my mouth a tongue injection!
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English
Roses are red. voilets are corny. when i think of you babes it makes me so HORNY!!!
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English
Sex is evil and evil's a sin. but sins are forgiven so lets get stuck in!!
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Urdu
Hila zor se hila hila pura hila dil se hila sabke samne hila jitna hilaogay utna
maza ayega warana halwa jal jayega:P
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Urdu
ferrari asked foxi : tumhari ankhain kyun bahar nikli hue hain ?
foxi replied :agar tumhara engine tumhare gand main laga dain tu tumhari ankhain bhee bahar nikal aayain gi.
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Urdu
conductor : bachcay ka full ticket lage ga!
lady : yeh tu abhi nipple chusta hai!
conductor : wo tu is ka baap bhi choosta hai, tu kya uska bhi aadha loo gi ?
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Urdu
imtehan main aik larki nay teacher se kaha kay main nakal mar loon ?
teacher nay kaha tum naqal maroo per hum tu asal hi marain gay.

Different Voices during fucking time,
Russia:”O shema fu”
USA:”Yah fuck my ass”
China:”O chu ma shu”
India:”Oui maa”
In case of Pathan: “Kona Teenga Ka”

Duniya mein sab se himmat wala kaun?
“Dhobi” q k wo kabhi bhi kisi ke ghar jaa kar bol sakta hai.
Sahib bibi ji ko bolo kapde nikal kar rakhe mein abhi aa ke leta hu.

2 WOMEN TALKs
1st: Roz subah, mera dudhwala bahut dabata hai-BELL
2nd : mera to paperwala achcha hai, bilkul nahi dabata,
niche se hi dal deta hai-Paper…

Q: What is the similarity b/w ELECTION
& SEX?
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Ans: Dono mein umeedwar ‘KHARA’ hota hy

2 aurton ne driving sikhna shru ki,
Jb 2no k husband apas may milay 2 ek bola
Meri BV ko pata nhi kya hogaya hy
Raat ko sote hue mera pakar kr kehti hy..
“1st gear 2nd gear”
Dosra bola Ye tu kuch b nhi hy
Meri BV tu sotay may dono tangen khol kr
kehti hy 500 ka dalo.

Meera nai suicide ka plan banaya or
railway line pe dono taangen khol kar
late gai.
Next day GEO per khabar aayi:
Shalimar Express kal se ghayeb hai.

Sardar: Kitne paise lo gi?
Girl: Bed 500, Sofa 200, Zameen pe 100.
Sardarne 500 diye.
Girl: Yani Bed pe?
Sardar: Nahi 5 baar Zameen pe.

Dad, what does a vagina look like before sex?
A pink rose with loveley details.
And after sex?
Boy, ever seen a bulldog eating maiyonnaise?

Aurat doctor se: mera pati mujh se sex nhi krta.
doctor: ye 1 goli roz khilana.
aurat ne 1 goli pati ko di to rat ko pati ne sex kia,
aglay din usne 2 goli di to pati ne khub josh se sex kia,
3esray din aurat ne puri botel ki goliyan chai may mila kr khila di…
3 din bad doctor ne aurat k betay se haal chal pucha to
Beta bola : ammi mer gai hain chachi hospital may hai nokrani ne papa pe rape ka muqadma kr dia hai.
or meri g**nd abi b dukh rhe hai.

choot chorangi per ek choot ne khud kush hamla kiya
14 chootein halak 10 lund zakmi 22 topay khul gaey
40 MAMAY la pata AUR kai jhantin sulag gaein police ki
foran karwai se 19 TATTAY PAKRAY GAEY baqi tattay farar
sms miltay he under ground hojao

2 lund flim ka tickat laytay hai pehla lund dosre se bolta hai yar
flim sexy na hoo
dosra lund : kio bay
pehla lund : salay nahi to sari flim kharay ho kar daykhna parhay ga

Blind wife during sex ye kya hai? Husband: Ye taaty hain! Wife:Ye ander nhi jaty? Husband:Nhi ye bahr rehty hain Wife: Tumhare marzi bas andhi mohtaj ka haq na marna

Sardar running behind bus, and finaly catches it n asks driver,
ye bus teri ma lagti hai ? Nahi.
Behan lagti? Nahi… biwi ? nahi. To sala chadne kyu nahi deta!!

JUDGE :- aap apni patni se talaq kyon chahate hai ?
PATI : - Main patni ke sath Bistar par khush nahi hu,
PATNI :- (gusse me ):- jab sara mohalla khush hai to tum kyon nahi!!!

BUSH AIK SARDAR SE:YAHAN BAAT BAAT PER BHENCHOD Q BOLTE HAIN IS KA KIYA MATLAB HAI?
SARDAR:IS KA MATLAB HAI WATAN SE MOHABBAT KARNE WALA.
BUSH INDIA AAKAR BOLA:BAHART K BHENCHODO,MAIN BHI AIK BHENCHOD HOON LEKIN GANDHI SE BARA BHENCHOD MAIN NAY NAHI DEKHA

A boy donated blood 2 his GF. Kuch din bad ladai ho gayi.Boy ne apna khoon manga to girl ne apna whisper uske muh pr mara aur boli-monthly instalmnt me milega.

Pehle KISS karo,
phir PALANG per leta do,
phir CHADDI utar do,
phir NICHE haath lagao,
.
.
.
.
Aur check karo k
BABY ne SU SU to nahi kiya na

English
Sex is evil and evil's a sin. but sins are forgiven so lets get stuck in!!
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Urdu
Hila zor se hila hila pura hila dil se hila sabke samne hila jitna hilaogay utna
maza ayega warana halwa jal jayega:P
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Urdu
ferrari asked foxi : tumhari ankhain kyun bahar nikli hue hain ?
foxi replied :agar tumhara engine tumhare gand main laga dain tu tumhari ankhain bhee bahar nikal aayain gi.
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Urdu
conductor : bachcay ka full ticket lage ga!
lady : yeh tu abhi nipple chusta hai!
conductor : wo tu is ka baap bhi choosta hai, tu kya uska bhi aadha loo gi ?
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English
imtehan main aik larki nay teacher se kaha kay main nakal mar loon ?
teacher nay kaha tum naqal maroo per hum tu asal hi marain gay.
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English
Na chahat hai sitaron ki, Na tamanna hai nazaroon ki, Bas aap jaisa dost mil
jaye
MAA CHOD DAIN GEY SAROON KI.
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English
Jack & Jill went up da hill 2 have a little fun.But stupid Jill forgot da pill and now they have a son.
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English
Peter Peter Pumpkin eater had a wife & liked to beat her smacked her twice around da head F**ked her arse & went 2 bed! Adult Funny sms
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English
A man said 2 his doctor 'everytime I look in the mirror I get an erection' the doctor said 'That's because u look like a cunt!
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English
A teacher asked "wot part of the body goes to heaven first?" A child replied "feet" - coz every nite i c my mum with her feet in the air screamin GOD I'M COMIN!
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English
A girl who opens her hands recieves gifts, who opens her heart receives love, who opens her legs receives happiness .
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English
Mobilink regrets 2 inform u that the network has gone down on everyone except u. We regret 2 inform u that no one would go down on u not even a network.
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English
23 useless parts on a mans body.20 nails u cant hammer.2 balls u cant throw &1 cock that cant "crow" dont laff ladies?? UR PUSSY CANT CATCH MICE
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English
Why do women have orgasms during sex??? It gives them something to moan about even when they are fuc***g enjoyin themselves
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English
Do you like maths?if so add a bed subtract ur clothes divide your legs and we can multiply!
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English
Types of arse ...
(_!_)An arse (__!__)Fat arse (!)Tight arse (_?_)Dumb arse (_*_)Sore arse (_zzz_)Tired arse (_E=mc2_)Smart arse (_x_)Kiss my arse!!


Types of arse ...
(_!_)An arse (__!__)Fat arse (!)Tight arse (_?_)Dumb arse (_*_)Sore arse (_zzz_)Tired arse (_E=mc2_)Smart arse (_x_)Kiss my arse!! .
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English
HOW 2 SATISFY A WOMAN: caress excite cuddle fascinate spoil kiss rub tease pamper console worship respect & love. HOW 2 SATISFY A MAN: blow job
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English
Old mother Hubbard went 2 d cupboard 2 fetch d poor dog a bone. but when she bent over Rover took over & gave her a bone of his own!