Thursday, December 25, 2008

jokes n sms

Sex karo

Sex karo daily,

Agar wo mil jaye akeli,

agar na mile akeli to pakar lo us ki saheli,

agar na mile saheli to zindabad hatheli

lekin sex karo daily

DIFFRENT PHASES OF SEX LIFE:

AGE 20 - DIN RAAT,

AGE 28 - ROZ RAAT,

AGE 38 - JUMME RAAT,

AGE 48 - CHAND RAAT,


AGE 58 - ONLY JAZBAAT,

AGE 68 - GALAT BAAT...

Toothpaste & Boobs

What is the Similarity between Toothpaste & Boobs?

Guess ? its easy !!

U know the answer !!

Kholo.. Dabao... Muh me dalo aur Fresh ho jaao.

Mr Elahi had 3 sons named
rehmet-e-elahi,
barkat-e-elahi,
n mehbub-e-elahi
when his 4th son was born
his wife decided to name
him bus-kar-e-elahi

What did ramu say when he
saw a surgical glove?

Shaym lagta to condom hai

per draupdi ke zamane ka hai

jokes n sms

A boy asked Airtel Girl
what is ur speciality?

Airtel Girl: Night time
incoming free!!

Bhagwan ko gussa kab
aata hai?

Jab kisi ladki ka rape
hone ke badd uski ma
bolti hai "HEY BHAGWAN
YE TUNE KYA KIYA...."

Teer Kya chalati ho dhaar
to TALWAR mein hai,

Teer Kya chalati ho dhaar
to TALWAR mein hai.

Dupatte se kya chupati ho,
maal to SALVAR mein hai!


On first night, husband said
2 his wife: "Look darling before
marriage I had slept wit 10
girls"

wife replied: Kundi mili hai
to gunn to milega hi.

Kele Wala: Kele lelo Kele,
MADAM: arey bhiya kele to
pilpile hain kadak aur
lambe do.

Kele Wala: Arey madam kabhi to
kahne ke liye liya karo

Kya aap SEX karte hai.....
Kya aap CONDOM use karte hai....
Kya aap AIDS se darte hai....
to aap HATH se kyun nahi karte hai...
HATH chale to AIDS tale

Qes: Why is Delhi a male city (Mahanagar)
and Mumbai a female city (Mahanagri) ? ? ?

Ans: Delhi has Qutab Minar while
Mumbai has Gateway of INDIA!

jokes n sms

Lady n shopkeepe r negotiating
for the price of Bra n Panty
Shopkeeper- bhabi g Bra mein
aapka raha.. lekin Panty mein
to aapko mera rakna padeg

A man phoned & asked:

"Hello, is it 221714?
Lady-Hindi me bolo,
Man:Do-Do-Ek-SaT Choda?

Lady-Nahi Sir,RELIANCE HAI.
Teen-Teen-Eksath chodha 331714

Baap: Kyun beta ladki pasand aayi tumhe?

Beta: Papa ladki toh bahut moti hai.

Baap: beta ghar kitana bhi bada ho,
darwaaja chota hi hota hai!

Press ask PM..

Aapne sapne me bhi socha tha ki
ap kabhi pm banege?

Manmohan : Ye to sab Sonia ke hath
ka kamal hai varna hamara to khada
hona bhi mushkil tha...!

kabira khada bazar me,
dekh oont ko roye,
itni unchi gaand ko,
maar sake na koy!

A bachelor gives an AD in a matrimonial.

"Wanted - Girl Age no bar,
looks no bar,
Money no bar,
But SEX Baar-baar,
Hazaar bar...........
Lagataar...........!

2 girls returning from movie

1st: mera purse chori ho gaya!
2nd Girl: tu to bra mein rakhti thi.

1st: mujhe kya pata tha SAALA chori
kar raha hai!

jokes n sms

Sant kabir in computer...

"kahat 'kabir' suno bhai sadho"
aisa bhi din aayega,
chut chudegi computer se,
aur bacha fax se aayega"

Q: why should a girl should have an
extra covering and protection on her
boobs ?

Kyonki "CHEETAH BHI PEETA HAI...."

Sardar: Will u marry me?
Girl: Sorry im a lesbian
Sardar: what is a lesbian?
Girl: I like to have sex with girls.
Sardar: Wow im also a lesbian!

GIRL: maa baju waley ladkey
ko dekhar meri bra tight
ho jati hai.

MAA: beti ek bar bina bra
ki kammeej pahan kar ja,
uski pant tight ho jayegi!

Sardar asks CALL GIRL. How much?
She says 50 on bed,
20 on sofa, 10 on grass.
Sardar gives her 50.
She says wow, on bed?
Sardar, no 5 times on grass!!

Sardarni: Kal chor aya aur
mere sath sex karke chala
gaya.

Sardar: Tumne use roka nahi?

Sardarni: Bahot kaha rukne ke liye,
lekin woh bola aaj bas itna hi
kal phir aaunga.

A sardar and a girl were
having sex suddenly Sardar
asks - Do u have AIDS?
Girl: No. Sardar: thank god,
I dont wann to get that again!

Kabhi dost kehte the ki jaan
bhi maango to hazir hai, aaj
who apni biwi ko jaan kehte
hai, aur maango to inkaar
karte hai

jokes n sms

Mom: Tujhe ladka pasand aaya ho to baat agey chalayen.

Girl: Ladka to theek hai but mota hai.


Mom: TV chahe 14" ka ho ya 29" ka remote 6" ka hi hota hai.

Ehasaaaaaaaan Kureshiiiiiiiiii ki latest kavita :

Roz college aati hooooooooooo
Dupatte se kya chupati hooooooooooo
Hum kya mar gaye hai janammmmmmmmmmmmm
jo kitabon se dabati hoooooooooooo

What is the saddest part of hindi film sholay????

Ek to thakur ki biwi hi nahi thi upar se gabbar ne uske hath bhi kaat diye....

On KBC, a prostitute was on the hot seat.

Amitabh: Madam aapko hamare show me sabse acchhi cheez kya lagti hai?

Prostitute gets EXCITED, lifts her skirt and says,

"FASTEST FINGER FIRST"

Q. Beta kya kaam karte ho?


Ans. Ji samaj seva karta Hoon.

Matlab!

Gire huve ko uthata hoon, Bichade huve ko Milata hoon

Kaise?


Bra banata hoon.

jokes n sms

Q:) How does a cricketer describe a nude woman?

A:) No cover, no extra cover, two silly points, two fine legs and a gully.

Your wife is ur right hand..
but in the absence of ur wife..
ur right hand becomes your wife...

Men are like tape recorder.....

Forward,Backward,Forward,Backward,
Forward,Backward, stop Eject......

I luv when u go downon me
u relieve so much stress and
tension but when i feel it
gettin good u go back up.... .
damn gas prices!!!

I have good news the technology
of condoms has improved
there 4 mistakes like u
will never happen again.

Pass this on to other mistakes.

I love the way it rubs against the soft pink flesh.. and creates a creamy foamy liquid as it thrusts in and out, up and down... Can’t wait to brush my teeth

Last night I desperately missed you I wanted to feel u on my naked body. I had to go to bed without you....where are u stupid pyjamas.....!

Penis & Balls arguing. Balls: Hey, U r very unfair! Everytime u go in u never bring us along, only u enjoy! Penis: Eh, U think its fun? I always keep vomiting!

I really, deeply wish tat u r here wif me in my room, on my bed & lights is off & we get under the cover together.. 2 show u my.. new watch tat glow in the dark

*NEWSFLASH* Snow white had been chucked out of Disney Land. She was reported 2 hav pulled up her skirt, sat on Pinnochio's face and shouted, 'LIE BASTARD LIE'

Do you like maths, if so add a bed, subtract ur clothes, divide your legs and we can multiply!

CUSTOMER NOTIFICATION. As of May 2001 Viagra will only be available through chemists by its chemical name.So please ask for MYCOXAFLOPPIN. Thank you

How do you keep 4 blondes entertained in a bar? Turn the bar stool upside down.

A girl asked, why cow seems depressed when being milked? Teacher: if every morning they rub yours 4 30 minutes and don't f**k u, u will feel the same?

Man1: my wife is obsess w/ cars. While asleep, she holds my bird & say 'Ferari,Porsche...' Man2: mine is worst, she puts my bird inside her & say 'Full Tank pls.'

Press down... down more... Ok more... YES ahh ohh yes... almost there... yeah oh shit harder... SO GOOD...! mmmmm... That's how I sex on text!

When im dead and in my grave, no more pussy i will crave. And upon my headstone will be seen, here lies the bones of a f**king machine.

What did the blonde's left leg say to her right leg? Between the two of us, we can make a lot of money..

jokes n sms

Man was smoking in a bus. Conductor: No Smoking ka
board nahin dikhta?
Man: Uske side mein ‘Always Wear Condom’ ka board
hai, ab vo bhi laga ke baithoon?

jokes n sms

Girl to her mother: Mama , main kaise paida hui thi?
Mother Baita tumhein pari le kar ayi thi.
Girl: Acha to papa pari ko bhi choda kartay thay?

zzat to ane jane wali chez hai FARAZ!!…
Bus gand pay kapra dale rakhna……;-)

Buzurgon ki kahi hui baat,
Aur
Tatton pe khai hui laat,
Hamesha yaad rehti hay,
“A PUBLIC SERVICE MESSAGE”~

Man was smoking in a bus. Conductor: No Smoking ka
board nahin dikhta?
Man: Uske side mein ‘Always Wear Condom’ ka board
hai, ab vo bhi laga ke baithoon?

jokes n sms

Wife : Pehlay tum daily karte they phir weekly aur ab monthly karte ho .. Kyun ?
Husband : Pehle teri aisee thee {} .. Phir aisee thee { } .. Ab aisee hai { } .. Ab kia karoon aise {} ki talash mein dar dar ki thokrein khaa raha hoon.

Did u know meaning of WOMEN?
“W”ant
“O”ne
“M”an for
“E”very
“N”ight

2 pagal ja rahy thay in kay samnay say 1 oorat ja rahii thi is
nay aonai bra main bicket rakay hooe thay
1 pagal:ya kia ker rahii hay?????
2 pagal: yar samja ker na doodh main bicket deboo ker kha rahii hay

jokes n sms

English
I really deeply wish tat u r here with me in my room. on my bed & lights off & we get under the cover together.. 2 show u my glow in the dark watch.
________________________________________
English
Press down down more Ok more YES ahh ohh yes almost there yeah oh shit harder SO GOOD ! mmmmm That's how I sex on text !
________________________________________
English Urdu Mix
Girl: Is dress ka kya price hai? Shopkeeper: Sirf 5 kiss. Girl: Aur us dress ka?
Shopkeeper: 10 kiss. Girl: Dono dress pack kar do, bill daadi dengi.
________________________________________
English
Lastnite i went 2 bed without u..cold,naked,thinking of u, missing ur warmth, ur soft touch against my skin. Where were u lastnite,
my lovely pyjamas
________________________________________
English
What do you call a wife who is sexy,
beautiful, intelligent, understanding,
caring, never jealous and a great cook?
ANSWER : A rumor!
________________________________________
English
Come here,take off urs pants and knickers, get on top of me, enjoy until u get satisfied, loving urs.....toilet!
________________________________________
English
Always start your day with a lot of... S E X
S - SMILE
E - ENERGY
X - XCITEMENT
so make S E X a daily habit, and youll always B SUCSEXFUL! in LIFE.
________________________________________
Urdu
1 boy 1 girl ko fuck ker raha tha fuck kertay kertay us ne girl se
poocha k tumhara boy friend kon hai hai girl ne reply kia choro us ma k kooos ko
wo is waqt yeh sms per raha hai ! ! !

Eik sardar ki suhag raat thi... Sardar apni bevi kay pechay dalnay laga to wo boli .... na na sardar jee pechay nahi agay sardar bola tumhain kaisay pata hai bevi boli... mera boy friend meray agay dalta tha Sardar bola... acha... par mera boy friend to meray pechay dalta tha...
________________________________________
English
3 Galz having lunch.
1st said" i saw d condoms in boss drawer. 2nd said: i also saw & punchered them. 3rd Said: HaramZadi pehle batana tha na !!
________________________________________
English
2 men were up bcoz their wifes were learning cars 1st:mere biwi raat ko lund pakar kar gear badalti hay 2nd:mere biwi tang utha ke k kahti hay5 litre
dal day
________________________________________
Urdu
JA "SMS" JA MERE PIYARY DOST KE PASS JA,
.
AGER WO BESSY HO TO RUK JAN,
.
OR "AGER" FREE HO TO UN KE GAND MAIN GHUS JANA,
.
OR TUB TAK HILLTY REHNA JUB TAK WO MUJHY
KOI ACHA SA SMS REPLY NA KERY

jokes n sms

Urdu
Ik raat bahuu ne kisi gair merd ke saath guzari, mager saas ne kuch
na kaha, bhala kiun, kiun ke saas bhi kabi Bahu thiiiiiiiii
________________________________________
Urdu
Ik Larki thi dewaani si...

Ik Larkay pe wo mar...

Kuch lena tha usay...

Lakin pregnancy se wo darti thi

Jab bi milti thi muijhey.....

Ye hi pocha karti thi......

Ye "CONDOM" kAHAN SE MILTA HAI
Ye "CONDOM" kAHAN SE MILTA HAI
________________________________________
Urdu
fanta piyo,
pepsi piyo,
marinda piyo
coke piyo,
dew piyo,
pani piyo,piyo aur piyo
kiyun ke ab pampers sirf 99 rupai main
________________________________________
English
The most difficult golf course in the world is... "Women Hole" any
style you play... as many shots you try... & as much perfection you have... you
can never get your balls in...!!!
________________________________________
English
BUY A SCOOTY.....PICK UP A BEAUTY, DRINK A FROOTY.... TAKE HER TO OOTY, REMOVE HER NIGHTY...DO UR DUTY..AFTER 9 MONTHS ... GET A CUTY
________________________________________
English
He came at night,
explored my body,
got on top of me,
touched me,
he bit, sucked, swalowd,
when he was satisfyed,
he left,
i was hurt,
BLOODY... MOSQUITO !!!!

jokes n sms

English
A Peach is Peach, A Plum is Plum
A Kiss isn't a Kiss without some tongue
So Open your mouth, Close your eyes
and Give your tongue some exercise
________________________________________
English
Love is a Gambling, Don't play with it
Guys get fun, Girls get blame
10 minutes of fun, 9 months of pain
Then a baby comes out without any name.
Enjoy it or think it before you do it.
________________________________________
English
Similarity between Viagra & Rail reservation counter? Both make you
stand for 1 hour for a 2 minute job...
________________________________________
English
Modern medicines: Fucknostat, Sexprazole, Sucksproxyvon, Hugglofnac,
Kisstopache, Spermicidin, Breastajin, Ejaculatomol, Vaginalgin, Penisciloc,
Orgasmofen.
________________________________________
Urdu
Aayi thi diwali,
shuru Hui thand,
sikudi thi chut,
akade the lund

Aa gai holi,
chali gai thand,
khul gayi chut,
latak Gaye lund
________________________________________
Urdu
Lund pe aitbaar kisko hai,
Mil jaaye chodne ko to inkar kis ko hai,
Kuch mushkilen hai chut paane me dost Warna muth marne se pyaar kisko hai . . .
________________________________________
Urdu
On the wedding night Santa says: Bataao Hairan karoon ya Pareshan?
Jeeto: Dono.
He shows his tiny 1inch penis & says: Kyun hairani hui?
Jeeto: Ji Hui.
Hubby: Ab pareshan karoon?
Jeeto: Ji.
Santa: Yeh erect hai!
________________________________________
Urdu
Ladki K Baap Ne Vidai K Waqt Dulhe Se Kaha "Beta hamari Izzat Ab
Tumhare Haath Mein Hai.Dulha Bola:"Chinta Mat Kijiye Aaj Hi Loot Loonga!"
________________________________________
Urdu
Sardarni: kal raat 3 chor aaye aur mera rape karke chale
gaye.Sardar: tumne unhe roka nahi?Sardarni: bahot roka par bole ab aur taakat
nahi hai, kal aayenge

jokes n sms

Urdu
her koi ker raha hai arman phudi ka
phudi pe mar raha hai insaan phudi ka
phudi bhi rabar ka lun bhi rabar ka
kiya kiya bana raha hai japan phudi ka
________________________________________
Urdu
Sardar dost say: Yar BV nu birthday tay ki gift dawan?
Dost: Apna Lun day.
Sardar: Nai yar koi wada gift das.
Dost: Far mera Lun day day
________________________________________
Urdu
PAPA : vo kon si cheez hai jis k charoo taraf baal hotay hain
SON : papa may bataoo
PAPA :nahi tum chup rahoo
SON : may batata hoo ..... AANKH
PAPA : ohh haan
SON : to kya aap lun samajh rahay thay
________________________________________
Urdu
AIK LERKA LERKI SAY: MAY KUNVARI LERKIYOO SAY SEX NAHI KERTA
LERKI : VO KIYOO
LERKA : KYOON K MUJHAY KHOON KHARABA PASAND NAHI HAI
________________________________________
Urdu
Eik sardar ki suhag raat thi...Sardar apni bevi kay pechay dalnay laga to wo
boli ....na na sardar jee pechay nahi agay
sardar bola tumhain kaisay pata hai
bevi boli...mera boy friend meray agay dalta tha
Sardar bola...acha...par mera boy friend to meray pechay dalta tha...

jokes n sms

English
Richman to poorman- "How-come ur penis so big? Poorman-replied:
"B'coz in my childhood i had no other toys to play"!!!
________________________________________
English
Sardar wid Grandson.Late nite Shouts,"I need a Girl,I hv an
Erection!" Gson says,"1st its 2 Late,2nd ur 75yrs Old,3rd d Cock u holdin is
mine"
________________________________________
English
4 road signs which stands in front of a womans vagina....
1)Caution-dark tunnel. 2)Drive carefully-road wet n slippery. 3)Go slow.4) Men
at work
Cream ke Add main face dikhaya. Soap ke Add main Hath Dikhaya. Shampoo Ki Add main Baal Dikhaye. Per Always ki Add main kuch nahi dikhaya.
Thats Cheating
________________________________________
Urdu
Kiss Pan Chod ne Gand main ungali ki hai. Ager wo Maa ka lora samney aa jaye to us Kuri chod ko dekh loon. Sir, aapka student gand marwa le ga per kisi ko kabi gali nahi de ga ! !
________________________________________
English
Lastnite i went 2 bed without u..cold,naked,thinking of u, missing ur warmth, ur soft touch against my skin. Where were u lastnite, my lovely pyjamas
________________________________________
English
He came at night,
explored my body,
got on top of me,
touched me,
he bit, sucked, swalowd,
when he was satisfyed,
he left,
i was hurt,
BLOODY... MOSQUITO !!!!
________________________________________
English
Press down down more Ok more YES ahh ohh yes almost there yeah oh shit harder SO GOOD ! mmmmm That's how I sex on text !
________________________________________
Urdu
Sardar dost say: Yar BV nu birthday tay ki gift dawan?
Dost: Apna Lun day.
Sardar: Nai yar koi wada gift das.
Dost: Far mera Lun day day
________________________________________
Urdu
PAPA : vo kon si cheez hai jis k charoo taraf baal hotay hain
SON : papa may bataoo
PAPA :nahi tum chup rahoo
SON : may batata hoo ..... AANKH
PAPA : ohh haan
SON : to kya aap lun samajh rahay thay

jokes n sms

Urdu
"HONEYMOON"
H-hawas mita do
O-or chuso
N-nanga karke
E-ek hi jhatke mein
Y-yeh gaya
M-mar dala
O-or dalo
O-or tez
N-ni..k..a.. l...g..a. y..a
________________________________________
English
Q: Wats d definition of a 'lesbian?' A: Just another damn Woman.....
tryin 2 do a man's job!!!.
________________________________________
English
Qus: Who is senior,
PENIS or VAGINA.

A:VAGINA
b'cos PENIS always stands up when he sees a VAGINA..So respect the seniors!
________________________________________
English
During sexual session the girl says:"u r like a mobile phone!"Boy:
"Do I vibrate a lot?" Girl:"No,when u get in 2 d tunnel u loose network
________________________________________
Urdu
Patni ne Arz kiya hai ki....
"Zara Dhire se CHODO Sanam,
Mehangai ka Zamana hai..
2 inch ki Chut ko Zindagi Bhar Chalana hai.
________________________________________
English
Richman to poorman- "How-come ur penis so big? Poorman-replied:
"B'coz in my childhood i had no other toys to play"!!!
________________________________________
English
Sardar wid Grandson.Late nite Shouts,"I need a Girl,I hv an
Erection!" Gson says,"1st its 2 Late,2nd ur 75yrs Old,3rd d Cock u holdin is
mine"
________________________________________
English
4 road signs which stands in front of a womans vagina....
1)Caution-dark tunnel. 2)Drive carefully-road wet n slippery. 3)Go slow.4) Men
at work
Cream ke Add main face dikhaya. Soap ke Add main Hath Dikhaya. Shampoo Ki Add main Baal Dikhaye. Per Always ki Add main kuch nahi dikhaya.
Thats Cheating
________________________________________
Urdu
Kiss Pan Chod ne Gand main ungali ki hai. Ager wo Maa ka lora samney aa jaye to us Kuri chod ko dekh loon. Sir, aapka student gand marwa le ga per kisi ko kabi gali nahi de ga ! !
________________________________________
English
Lastnite i went 2 bed without u..cold,naked,thinking of u, missing ur warmth, ur soft touch against my skin. Where were u lastnite, my lovely pyjamas

jokes n sms

Urdu
Aayi thi diwali,
shuru Hui thand,
sikudi thi chut,
akade the lund

Aa gai holi,
chali gai thand,
khul gayi chut,
latak Gaye lund
________________________________________
Urdu
dekho eik couple sex kar raha hai

ah
oh

dheere
ah

mar gayi
ah
oh

ahah

chal ab bas kar

1 rupee k sms mein kya pori blue film dikhaon
________________________________________
English Mix Urdu
Bhosri Plaza Hotel
'MENU CARD'
Grilled mummay;
Achari lund;
Phuddi of the day;
Tandoori bund
Lullian sirkay waali:
Chilly choot;
Tattay mughlai;
Gori bund da halwa;
Nargisi tattay;
Phuddi pakoray;
Lund folooda;
Mard makhan naan;
Afghani gand kabab;
Daigay mammay;
Lund khara masala;
Bhosri fried rice;
Melted tutti cream;
Peeshab up;

jokes n sms

Urdu
AIK LERKA LERKI SAY: MAY KUNVARI LERKIYOO SAY SEX NAHI KERTA
LERKI : VO KIYOO
LERKA : KYOON K MUJHAY KHOON KHARABA PASAND NAHI HAI
________________________________________
Urdu
Eik sardar ki suhag raat thi...Sardar apni bevi kay pechay dalnay laga to wo
boli ....na na sardar jee pechay nahi agay
sardar bola tumhain kaisay pata hai
bevi boli...mera boy friend meray agay dalta tha
Sardar bola...acha...par mera boy friend to meray pechay dalta tha...
________________________________________
Urdu
Girl MOM se jab main susu karte hun tu siti ki awaz ati hai par ap
ki nahi ati kiun?
MOM replies : baita siti tu maire b bajti the lekin tere bap ne baja baja
kar kharab kardi.
________________________________________
Urdu
Abi Rakha Hi Tha Ka Chot Gya,Hath Sa Phol Golab Ka. Wo Kahti Thi
Agha Sa Nahin Pacha Sa karo, Didar Mara Hosana Sabab Ka.Wo Kahti Thi Bara Dard
Hota Hai Jub Ander Jahta Hai, Ik Ik Alfaz Janab Ka.
________________________________________
English
How To Teach Mathmatics To A Girl.
1st add lips
2nd minus clothes
3rd divide legs
and then start Multiplication in the Sweetest Point.
________________________________________
Urdu
Gandoo ki 3 nishaniyan:
1. Hamesha bewaqt miss call dega.
2. Gande Gande SMS muskra kar parhe ga.
3. Don't scroll down:








Jis baat ko mana karo wo zaroor kare ga.

jokes n sms

English
There is Hot-sex, Fast-sex, Group-sex, Safe-sex, Leather-sex, Telephone-sex, and for people with your face ...NO SEX !
________________________________________
English
SEASON DHAMAKA OFFER
Send your girlfriend to me and win a baby
HURRY UP
First ten will get twins

English
I want to suck you... I want to lick you... I wanna move my tongue all over you... I want to feel you in my mouth... that's how u... eat an ice cream...
________________________________________
English
1 day there was tis naked man N elephant, da elephant looks at the naked man 4 a few seconds, then ask da naked man, 'HOW CAN U BREATH THRU THAT LITTLE THING?'
________________________________________
English
Why do men pass gas more than women? Because women won't shut up long enough to build up pressure.
________________________________________
English
A cat and a rooster sat by a lake, the cat fell in the lake, the rooster laughed! LESSON: when there's a wet pussy, there's a happy cock!


When a man talks dirty to a woman, it's sexual harassment. When a woman talks dirty to a man, it's $$$ per minute.
________________________________________
English
How to impress a woman: compliment her, kiss her, love her, tease her, protect her, listen to her, support her. How 2 impress a man: Show up naked, bring beer!!
________________________________________
English
Of all the babes u r my selection please dont giv me a rejection. my teeth are clean for ur Inspection so giv my mouth a tongue injection!
________________________________________
English
Love is a name, Sex is a game. Forget the name and play the game!
________________________________________
English
What is hard and long and full of semen? >>> Submarine <<<
________________________________________
English
He took me from a bar. He took me in his car. He took my top off. He puts his lips on mine, but don't worry: I'm a bottle of wine!
________________________________________
English
I want triplets You want twins. Lets get in bed and see who wins!
________________________________________
English
If your right leg was thanksgiving and Your left leg was Christmas could I meet U between the holidays?

jokes n sms

English
I like your style - I like your class - but most of all i like your arse!
________________________________________
English
Latest porn releases : shaving private ryan. position impossible. as big as it gets. forest hump. riding miss daisy. starwhores and pornocchio.
________________________________________
English
I hereby place u under arrest 4 violating code 69 - distracting public with ur xtreme good looks & sex appeal, remain silent & report 2 my bedroom.
________________________________________
English
I once had a ONE-2-ONE night with a VIRGIN.She teased me till i got an ERICKSON.sucked me till my face went ORANGE till i busted my load of SEIMEN over her NOKIAS.
________________________________________
English
Why is Sex a 3 letter word? Its easier to spell than... OHMYGODYESNOOSSHITYESDEEPER-YESGODNOPLEASENOSHITYESOH- SHITFU*KNOYESYESYESSHITOH.
________________________________________
English
Are these your eyes, I found them between my breasts
________________________________________
English
23 useless parts on a mans body.20 nails u cant hammer.2 balls u cant throw &1 cock that cant "crow" dont laff ladies?? UR PUSSY CANT CATCH MICE
________________________________________
English
I wish I were a ring Upon my girlfriend's hand, 'Cause everytime she'd wipe her rear I'd see the promised land...
________________________________________
English
Sex is like pizza. When its good, its VERY GOOD. When its bad, its Still pretty good!!
________________________________________
English
There is Hot-sex, Fast-sex, Group-sex, Safe-sex, Leather-sex, Telephone-sex, and for people with your face ...NO SEX !
________________________________________
English
SEASON DHAMAKA OFFER
Send your girlfriend to me and win a baby
HURRY UP
First ten will get twins

English
I want to suck you... I want to lick you... I wanna move my tongue all over you... I want to feel you in my mouth... that's how u... eat an ice cream...
________________________________________

jokes n sms

Urdu
Feelings of girls after exam & Sex..

kitna lamba tha.kash thoda time aur mil jata.
Pahele kitna darr lag raha tha na.Pta hi nahi Lga kab ho gya.

mera to shoot gya tha thoda.3 ghnte mujhe to saans hi nahi aayi.

saari raat nahi soyi.Pata nahi ajeeb sa dalte hain.

Aage se soch smjh kar tyari se dungi.
________________________________________
English
2 men went to fuck a girl.
1st came out after fucking a girl n said...
''My wife is better''
2nd went in ,fuck a girl... Came out n said...
''U were right, your wife is better..
________________________________________
Urdu
Pehle usne chunni utaari Phir Kameez phir undershirt or phir bra utara aur
aakhir main .. salvaar bhi utar di.

Phir?

Phir kiya kaproon wali taar khaali ho gayi...
________________________________________
Urdu
fanta piyo,
pepsi piyo,
marinda piyo
coke piyo,
dew piyo,
pani piyo,piyo aur piyo
kiyun ke ab pampers sirf 99 rupai main
________________________________________
Urdu
o o jane jana ladkion ka mein dewana sapno mein roz aae khood ko
mujh se choodwana sanam
________________________________________
Urdu
pahlay tu jati thi cheel choot main
aab urti phirti hay cheel choot main
cheel nay dakhi akk jheel choot main
jheel may naha raha tha shakeel choot main
shakeel nay kar di apeel choot main
haqoomat nay bhaaj dia wakeel choot main
wakeel nay day di dalil choot main
haqoomat nay laga di seel choot main
abb nahi jati keel choot main..
________________________________________
English
A gud friend is like a gud bra... hard 2 find- comfortable-
supportive- prevents u from falling- holds u tight- and is always close 2 ur
heart!
________________________________________
English
Girl to Doctor: My mobile got stuck in my vagina since last 4 days in
vibration mode.
Doctor: OK, I will remove this easily.
Girl: Just recharge the battery.

jokes n sms

Urdu
o o jane jana ladkion ka mein dewana sapno mein roz aae khood ko
mujh se choodwana sanam
________________________________________
English
A gud friend is like a gud bra... hard 2 find- comfortable-
supportive- prevents u from falling- holds u tight- and is always close 2 ur heart!
________________________________________
Urdu
pahlay tu jati thi cheel choot main
aab urti phirti hay cheel choot main
cheel nay dakhi akk jheel choot main
jheel may naha raha tha shakeel choot main
shakeel nay kar di apeel choot main
haqoomat nay bhaaj dia wakeel choot main
wakeel nay day di dalil choot main
haqoomat nay laga di seel choot main
abb nahi jati keel choot main..
________________________________________
English
Girl to Doctor: My mobile got stuck in my vagina since last 4 days in
vibration mode.
Doctor: OK, I will remove this easily.
Girl: Just recharge the battery.
________________________________________
Urdu
1 bandariya ka 1 naya bacha hua jis sey woh bohat pyar karney lagi
yeh dekh kar bara bacha jelous honey laga aik raat uss ney apni maa kee chest
par zehar laga diya suba dekha to baap mara para tha.
________________________________________
English
how is sex related to maths?..add two person and a bed..substract
cloths..divide the legs..multiply the strokes..and the result is
satisfucktion..!aha!!!
________________________________________
English
A woman married
a one legged man.
She wrote to her
mother:
"My husband only has
ONE FOOT".
Her Mother
replied:
"You are lucky,
your papa has
ONLY 5 INCHES"

jokes n sms

Urdu
1 bandariya ka 1 naya bacha hua jis sey woh bohat pyar karney lagi
yeh dekh kar bara bacha jelous honey laga aik raat uss ney apni maa kee chest
par zehar laga diya suba dekha to baap mara para tha.
________________________________________
English
how is sex related to maths?..add two person and a bed..substract
cloths..divide the legs..multiply the strokes..and the result is
satisfucktion..!aha!!!
________________________________________
English
Lastnite i went 2 bed without u..cold,naked,thinking of u, missing ur warmth, ur soft touch against my skin. Where were u lastnite,
my lovely pyjamas
________________________________________
English
What do you call a wife who is sexy,
beautiful, intelligent, understanding,
caring, never jealous and a great cook?
ANSWER : A rumor!
________________________________________
English
Come here,take off urs pants and knickers, get on top of me, enjoy until u get satisfied, loving urs.....toilet!
________________________________________
English
A woman married
a one legged man.
She wrote to her
mother:
"My husband only has
ONE FOOT".
Her Mother
replied:
"You are lucky,
your papa has
ONLY 5 INCHES"
________________________________________
Urdu
Kya khel ishq ne khela hai
kyun latka hua ye kela hai
dil kal bhi mera akela tha
lun aaj bhi mera thakela hai
ye money nahin chhooti lun ki
hum kitni bar naha bethe
din men panch bar naha bethe

Dekha julie film ka gana kitna pyara hai


Wife : Pehlay tum daily karte they phir weekly aur ab monthly karte ho .. Kyun ?
Husband : Pehle teri aisee thee {} .. Phir aisee thee { } .. Ab aisee hai { } .. Ab kia karoon aise {} ki talash mein dar dar ki thokrein khaa raha hoon.
________________________________________
Urdu
1 Person : Season Offer Aik rupey ki do Sardar : kya bhi kya 1 Person : Gand pe laat
________________________________________
English
Did u know meaning of WOMEN?
"W"ant "O"ne
"M"an for
"E"very
"N"ight
________________________________________
English
Press down down more Ok more YES ahh ohh yes almost there yeah oh shit harder SO GOOD ! mmmmm That's how I sex on text !
________________________________________
Urdu
Sardar dost say: Yar BV nu birthday tay ki gift dawan?
Dost: Apna Lun day.
Sardar: Nai yar koi wada gift das.
Dost: Far mera Lun day day
________________________________________
Urdu
Tujhe dekhker aksar
Aajate hain mujhe chakker
Samajh nahin aata mujhe
Tum moannis ho ya muzakker
________________________________________
Urdu
AIK LERKA LERKI SAY: MAY KUNVARI LERKIYOO SAY SEX NAHI KERTA
LERKI : VO KIYOO
LERKA : KYOON K MUJHAY KHOON KHARABA PASAND NAHI HAI
________________________________________
Urdu
Girl : Arey itna bara munh mein kaise daloon gi.
Boy : Jaldi se munh kholo.
Girl : Oops sare kapray geelay ho gaye.
Boy : Aur lo gee.
Girl: NA baba na yeh Gool Gapey tum he kahoo.
________________________________________
Urdu
Wo mangti the mein deta na tha,
jawab us k sawaloo ka.

Abhi rakha hi tha k choot gaya,
hath se phool gulab ka.

Wo kehti thi bara maza ata hay
jab under jata hay,
kano mein ik ik lafz janab ka.
________________________________________
Urdu
Boy to girl : tum gaana boaht acha gaati ho
Girl to boy : nahi main to sirf bathroom singer hon
Boy : to phir bolao na kabi mehfil jamain ge

jokes n sms

Urdu
Boy to Girl : Tumhari dono tango kay darmian main kia hai ?
Girl : Meri dono tango kay darmian main aik lakeer hai.
Girl : Tumhari dono tango kay darmian main kiay hai ?
Boy : Lakeer ka faqeer.
________________________________________
Urdu
Aurat or chayee may char qualities dekho

Tayz ho..

Garam ho..

Doodh Ziyadaa ho..

Jo raat ko sonay naa dey..

jokes n sms

Urdu
Ah ohh ah ohh


nahi nahi
uff ,
nahi


ah ah ah ah;



plz dont
nahi nahi nahi



aaaah aah aah aah
uff uff uff uff
bus


ah nahi oie

oie nahi

ah ah

ah




aby kyo chekh raha ha mobile gand main lay lia ha kya..
________________________________________
Urdu
Gandoo ki 3 nishaniyan:
1. Hamesha bewaqt miss call dega.
2. Gande Gande SMS muskra kar parhe ga.
3. Don't scroll down:








Jis baat ko mana karo wo zaroor kare ga.
________________________________________
English
If u hav 2 eggs between ur 2 legs u r a man but if u hav 4 eggs
between ur 2 legs don't think u r a superman someone is F**king u
________________________________________
Urdu
Dost 1 : Apni girl friend ko chand mat kehna.
Dost 2 : woh kyun?
Dost 3 : Kehtay hain us per bhi 3 4 log char chukay hain.
________________________________________
English
Sex is like a restaurant, sometimes u get good service, sometimes bad service, sometimes no service and many times u hav 2 be happy wid self service.
________________________________________
Urdu English Mix
all couple have different phases of sex life, age: 20 din raat, age: 28 roz raat,
age: 38 jume-e-raat, age: 48 eid shabraat, age: 58 only JAZBAAT... above 60 no no bury Bat

jokes n sms

Girl: Mjy tennis khailna sikhao.
Coach: Ok, Racket ko bilkul aise pakro jaise ye tmhare boy frnd ka L**d ho.
Girl: OK…
Coach: Oho aisy nhi Racket mounh se nikalo…


ah
oh
dheere
ah
mar gayi
ah
oh
ahah
chal ab bas kar
1 rupee k sms mein kya pori blue film dikhaonWah
Ooo Sajan Asan Teiku bhandey ni sey..
Nal dey hamsey haan door rahnde ni sey..
Aaa Weinse tey chumi chatta ker ghinsoun
Na tey yeiku yahnde ni sey..

Read This sms below
A woman married
a one legged man.
She wrote to her
mother:
“My husband only has
ONE FOOT”.
Her Mother
replied:
“You are lucky,
your papa has
ONLY 5 INCHES”

how is sex related to maths?..add two person and a bed..substract
cloths..divide the legs..multiply the strokes..and the result is
satisfucktion..!aha!!!

2 men went to fuck a girl.
1st came out after fucking a girl n said…
”My wife is better”
2nd went in ,fuck a girl… Came out n said…
”U were right, your wife is better..

If u hav 2 eggs between ur 2 legs u r a man but if u hav 4 eggs
between ur 2 legs don’t think u r a superman someone is F**king u

Ah ohh ah ohh
nahi nahi
uff ,
nahi
ah ah ah ah;
plz dont
nahi nahi nahi
aaaah aah aah aah
uff uff uff uff
bus
ah nahi oie
oie nahi
ah ah
ah
aby kyo chekh raha ha mobile gand main lay lia ha kya.

Girl : Arey itna bara munh mein kaise daloon gi.
Boy : Jaldi se munh kholo.
Girl : Oops sare kapray geelay ho gaye.
Boy : Aur lo gee.
Girl: NA baba na yeh Gool Gapey tum he kahoo.

jokes n sms

English
When I went to the Madras,
I fucked a lady on the grass...
When I insert inch One,
She says its none...

When I insert inch Two
She says its few...

When I insert inch Three,
She says its free...

When I insert inch Four,
She says its i want more...

When I insert inch Five,
She says its just like a knife...

When I insert inch Six,
She says its fix...

When I insert inch Seven,
She says i m feeling in a heaven...

When I insert inch Eight,
She says its great...

When I insert inch Nine,
She says its hole of mine...

When I insert inch Ten,
She says are you a donkey or a man...
________________________________________
Urdu English Mix
"When nobody luvs u, nobody cares 4 u, nobody think about u, every 1 ignores u, then go and sit in the corner close ur eyes and think Bhanchod Akhir Chakar kya hai?

Teacher : Hame in machron ko paida hone se rokna chahiye.
Student : Wo to ho hi nahin sakta.
Teacher : Kyon?
Student : Kyon ki itna chota condom ban hi nahi sakta.
________________________________________
Urdu
choos lo na
chosnay k liya tu hai
tum bhi chosva laina
main bhi choos don ge
plz plz plz plz
chooslo yeh lolly pop
________________________________________
Urdu
Kashte phasee bhanhwar main ab mojain hi par lagaeein gi
Jab apne naseeb hi gandoo hon to mojain bahn yawain gi
________________________________________
Urdu
Aandu, pandu & gandu teen dost hote hain.
1st aandu jo randiyoon ka chokidaar tha.
2nd pandu jo randiyoon ka dallal tha.
or 3rd wo jo mera sms phadraha hai
________________________________________
English
Q: What is a kiss?
A: Very simple, its an enquiry at the top floor about the vacancy in the ground
floor.
________________________________________
Urdu
Jo mila aurat ko mila!! Hont milay chuswany ko, Mammay milay dabwanay ko, Phuddi mili chudwanay ko. Aur apko kia mila??? LUN!!! aor wo b sirf hilaney ko??? so
hilao...
________________________________________
Urdu
sex karo daily,agar wo mil jay akali
agar na mily akali tu pakar lo us ke sahale,
agar na mily sahale,tu zindabad hathale,
par sex karo daily
________________________________________
English
Niple niple little star ...can i suck you in my car ...up above the breast so
have...always milky never dry...let me touch it never shy...in the bra it
will be dry ...
________________________________________
Urdu
thora sa karne do
Plz thora sa karne do
kisi ko pati nahi chale ga
bus thora sa karne do
aik chota sa sms
________________________________________
Urdu English Mix
A girl for First the time was handling a boy's cock. After some time, some drops
came out, she asked wat's that? The boy said:Yeh Khushi ke AANSOO hai.
________________________________________
English
A peach is a peach,a plum is a plum,A kiss ain't a kiss without some tongue.So
open up your mouth and close you eyes and give your tongue some exercises!

jokes n sms

Urdu
Pehlay kiss karo..
Phir shirt utaro..
Phir fuck karo..
Kitna asan hai sex karna !!
________________________________________
English
Girl to Doctor: My mobile got stuck in my vagina since last 4 days in
vibration mode.
Doctor: OK, I will remove this easily.
Girl: Just recharge the battery.
________________________________________
Urdu
Aik bus mein girls ki team aur boys ki team ban antakshari khelne ke liye.
Girls : Hum tumhe hara ke dikhayenge!
Boys : Hum har gaye, chalo ab dikhao.
________________________________________
English
how is sex related to maths?..add two person and a bed..substract
cloths..divide the legs..multiply the strokes..and the result is
satisfucktion..!aha!!!
________________________________________
Urdu
Oorat k Doodh k 5 faide

1. Boil nhi karna parta
2. Kharab nhi hota
3. Har umar k Mard ki pasand
4. Dil kash packing main
5. Aik k saath dusra FREE
________________________________________
English
Amitabh bachan in KBC
Question for 10 lac to Sardar jee
What is the colour of your wife's underwear?
Option 1 : White
Option 2 : Grey
Option 3 : Black
Option 4 : Blue
Sardar jee : Can i phone a friend?
________________________________________
Urdu
4 facts
1 mammay aur jazbat jitne dabao utne ubhrte hain
2 snake aur pudi jahan deko mar do.
3 doodh aur gand phtne ki awaz nahin ati
4 pani aur lun apna rasita khud bana laite hain
________________________________________
English
A guy walks up to a girl and says: Wanna play *Magic*? She says: What's that? He says: We go to my place, have sex and than you disappear!!
________________________________________
English
American students say : people who never experience good sex and do not perform well in bed, usually read their SMS messages with their right hand.

English
American students say : people who never experience good sex and do not perform well in bed, usually read their SMS messages with their right hand.
________________________________________
English
Its been a rough day. I got up this morning, put on a shirt N a button fell off. I picked up my briefcase N the handle came off. I'm afraid 2 go 2 the bathroom.

jokes n sms

Urdu
1 bandariya ka 1 naya bacha hua jis sey woh bohat pyar karney lagi
yeh dekh kar bara bacha jelous honey laga aik raat uss ney apni maa kee chest
par zehar laga diya suba dekha to baap mara para tha.
________________________________________
English
how is sex related to maths?..add two person and a bed..substract
cloths..divide the legs..multiply the strokes..and the result is
satisfucktion..!aha!!!
________________________________________
English
Sex is a sensation. It's about a man's temptation, putting his location in a
woman's destination. Do you understand the explanation or do you need a
demonstration?
________________________________________
Urdu
Hila zor se hila hila pura hila dil se hila sabke samne hila jitna hilaogay utna
maza ayega warana halwa jal jayega:P
________________________________________
Urdu
ferrari asked foxi : tumhari ankhain kyun bahar nikli hue hain ?
foxi replied :agar tumhara engine tumhare gand main laga dain tu tumhari ankhain bhee bahar nikal aayain gi.
________________________________________
Urdu
conductor : bachcay ka full ticket lage ga!
lady : yeh tu abhi nipple chusta hai!
conductor : wo tu is ka baap bhi choosta hai, tu kya uska bhi aadha loo gi ?
________________________________________
Urdu
imtehan main aik larki nay teacher se kaha kay main nakal mar loon ?
teacher nay kaha tum naqal maroo per hum tu asal hi marain gay.
________________________________________
Urdu
Na chahat hai sitaron ki, Na tamanna hai nazaroon ki, Bas aap jaisa dost mil
jaye
MAA CHOD DAIN GEY SAROON KI.
________________________________________
Urdu
aik MUMAY nay dosray MUMAY se pocha.......
Larai nichli gali main hoti hai
Pakray hum jatay hain...!!!
__________________________________

jokes n sms

Sex is a sensation caused by temptation when a man puts his location in a woman's destination. Do u get my explanation, or do u need a demonstration?!
________________________________________
English
Son on his honeymoon phoned his mom asking what 2 do. MOM : Put ur biggest thng on her hairiest thing. SON : got my nose in her armpit. Now what?
________________________________________
English
A husband was asked: Do u talk to your wife after sex? His answer: Depends, if I can find a phone.
________________________________________
English
Who is stronger, Man Or Woman? A: A woman bcoz she lifts 2 mountains on her chest while a man lifts 2 stones with the help of a crane.
________________________________________
English
Man says to his wife: Let me take a picture of your breasts, then I can always look at them. Wife: Let me take a picture of you penis, I will have it enlarged.
________________________________________
Urdu
Aurat or chayee may char qualities dekho

Tayz ho..

Garam ho..

Doodh Ziyadaa ho..

Jo raat ko sonay naa dey..
________________________________________
English
When I was born I got the choice, or a major dick, or a fine memory. I am not able to remember what I did choose. .
________________________________________
English
" if u were a drum id bang u, if u were a pig id pork u, if u were a flower id root u, if u were a nail id screw u, but cos ur a sweetie ill make love 2 u!

jokes n sms

I do not have the muscles of Stallone, I am not as handsome as Brad Pitt, I am not as strong as Schwarzenegger, but I can lick as good as Lassie!!!
________________________________________
English
GUY: If I could see you naked, I'd die happy. GAL: If I see you naked, I'd probably die laughing.
________________________________________
English
A man was looking at a painting 4 a long time of a naked woman with leaves covering the body, he was asked what he was doing & he answered - waitng 4 autumn.
________________________________________
English
I hereby place u under arrest 4 violating code 69 - distracting public with ur xtreme good looks & sex appeal, remain silent & report 2 my bedroom.
________________________________________
English
I once had a ONE-2-ONE night with a VIRGIN.She teased me till i got an ERICKSON.sucked me till my face went ORANGE till i busted my load of SEIMEN over her NOKIAS.
________________________________________
English
Hello! I m a little alien called Kan. I have taken the form of a mobile
phone- your phone. And during this message I have been having sex with
your thumb!
________________________________________
English
Are these your eyes, I found them between my breasts
________________________________________
English
I love the way it rubs against the soft pink flesh.. and creates a creamy foamy liquid as it thrusts in and out, up and down... Can’t wait to brush my teeth
________________________________________
English
I wish I were a ring Upon my girlfriend's hand, 'Cause everytime she'd wipe her rear I'd see the promised land...
________________________________________
English
Sex is like pizza. When its good, its VERY GOOD. When its bad, its Still pretty good!!
________________________________________
English
There is Hot-sex, Fast-sex, Group-sex, Safe-sex, Leather-sex, Telephone-sex, and for people with your face ...NO SEX !

jokes n sms

Ik raat bahuu ne kisi gair merd ke saath guzari, mager saas ne kuch
na kaha, bhala kiun, kiun ke saas bhi kabi Bahu thiiiiiiiii

chandni raat me chatai par
chaca ne chaci ke choot chatti
chaci chilai choot chatna
chor condom charha chod chotye

What’s the closest thing to a woman’s period?
Your salary.
It comes once a month,
lasts About 3 or 4 days and if it doesn’t come

Mobile ko kabhi pichhe ke pocket me mat rakhna,battery fategi to gand fat jayegi,log hath se gand dhote hain,aur tum gand se hath dho baithoge.

jokes n sms

Sex karo daily,
Agar woh mil jai Akeli,
agar na mile akeli,
tu pakar lo uss ki saheli,
agar na mile saheli,
tu Zindabad hatheli,
lekin sex karo daily,

Daalte Hi Jhar Gaye Tehray Na Phool Galay Main Mere Haar K Dard Un Ko Huwa To Nikaal Liya Maine Kaanta Jo Chubha Peron Main Sarkar K Cheek Uthay Chilla Uthay Kehnay Lagay Meri Na Lo Ek Hi To Kameez Hai Aur Din Bhi Hain Tehwaar K

fanta piyo,
pepsi piyo,
marinda piyo
coke piyo,
dew piyo,
pani piyo,piyo aur piyo
kiyun ke ab pampers sirf 99 rupai main

k Larki thi dewaani si…
Ik Larkay pe wo mar…
Kuch lena tha usay…
Lakin pregnancy se wo darti thi
Jab bi milti thi muijhey…..
Ye hi pocha karti thi……
Ye “CONDOM” kAHAN SE MILTA HAI
Ye “CONDOM” kAHAN SE MILTA HAI

jokes n sms

English
Son on his honeymoon phoned his mom asking what 2 do. MOM : Put ur biggest thng on her hairiest thing. SON : got my nose in her armpit. Now what?

Urdu
Hum Gire Hue ko Uthate hai,
Hum Bichhde Hue Ko Milate Hai,
In Short Hum Bra Banate Hain.
________________________________________
Urdu
Man: Kiss Karun?
Gal: Lipstick kharab hogi.
Man: Boob dabaun.?
Gal: T-shirt kharab hogi.?
Man: Fuck?
Gal: Period me hun.?
Man: Don't say loose motions hai
________________________________________
English
Man says to his wife: Let me take a picture of your breasts, then I can always look at them. Wife: Let me take a picture of you penis, I will have it enlarged.
________________________________________
English
Never dance naked because the body has parts that do not stop moving when
the music stops.
________________________________________
English
When I was born I got the choice, or a major dick, or a fine memory. I am not able to remember what I did choose. .
English
" if u were a drum id bang u, if u were a pig id pork u, if u were a flower id root u, if u were a nail id screw u, but cos ur a sweetie ill make love 2 u!
________________________________________
English
Sex is like NOKIA (connecting people) like NIKE (just do it) like PEPSI
(ask for more) like SAMSUNG (everyone is invited) and like ME (TO GOOD TO BE
TRUE)..
________________________________________
Urdu
3 Facts of Life:
Ghareeb aur Boobs hamesha dabte hai.
Musibat aur penis kabhi bhi khade ho jate hai.
Kismat aur Bra kabhi bhi khul sakti hai.

Why do men pass gas more than women? Because women won't shut up long enough to build up pressure.
________________________________________
Urdu
3 sach
gareeb or mama hamesha pakda jata hain
masla or lun kahin bi khada ho sakta hian
kismat or gand kahin bi khul sakti ha
yad rakhna
________________________________________
English
When a man talks dirty to a woman, it's sexual harassment. When a woman talks dirty to a man, it's $$$ per minute
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English
Love is a name, Sex is a game. Forget the name and play the game!
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English
What is hard and long and full of semen? >>> Submarine <<<
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English
How to impress a woman: compliment her, kiss her, love her, tease her, protect her, listen to her, support her. How 2 impress a man: Show up naked, bring beer!!
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English
A man wanted 2 get married, He had a choice of 3 women. 1st woz a rich dcotor, 2nd woz a poor cleaner & 3rd woz a prostitute. WHO DID HE PICK? The 1 wid big tits!
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English
oday its cool to have small cars and small computers. Soon it will be cool to have a small penis too, then you my friend will be THE MAN!!
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English
I only have SEX on days that begin with T: Thanksgiving. Tuesday. Thursday. Today. Tomorrow. Thaturday. thunday.. Every thucking day!
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English
Of all the babes u r my selection please dont giv me a rejection. my teeth are clean for ur Inspection so giv my mouth a tongue injection!
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English
Roses are red. voilets are corny. when i think of you babes it makes me so HORNY!!!
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English
Sex is evil and evil's a sin. but sins are forgiven so lets get stuck in!!
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Urdu
Hila zor se hila hila pura hila dil se hila sabke samne hila jitna hilaogay utna
maza ayega warana halwa jal jayega:P
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Urdu
ferrari asked foxi : tumhari ankhain kyun bahar nikli hue hain ?
foxi replied :agar tumhara engine tumhare gand main laga dain tu tumhari ankhain bhee bahar nikal aayain gi.
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Urdu
conductor : bachcay ka full ticket lage ga!
lady : yeh tu abhi nipple chusta hai!
conductor : wo tu is ka baap bhi choosta hai, tu kya uska bhi aadha loo gi ?
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Urdu
imtehan main aik larki nay teacher se kaha kay main nakal mar loon ?
teacher nay kaha tum naqal maroo per hum tu asal hi marain gay.

Different Voices during fucking time,
Russia:”O shema fu”
USA:”Yah fuck my ass”
China:”O chu ma shu”
India:”Oui maa”
In case of Pathan: “Kona Teenga Ka”

Duniya mein sab se himmat wala kaun?
“Dhobi” q k wo kabhi bhi kisi ke ghar jaa kar bol sakta hai.
Sahib bibi ji ko bolo kapde nikal kar rakhe mein abhi aa ke leta hu.

2 WOMEN TALKs
1st: Roz subah, mera dudhwala bahut dabata hai-BELL
2nd : mera to paperwala achcha hai, bilkul nahi dabata,
niche se hi dal deta hai-Paper…

Q: What is the similarity b/w ELECTION
& SEX?
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Ans: Dono mein umeedwar ‘KHARA’ hota hy

2 aurton ne driving sikhna shru ki,
Jb 2no k husband apas may milay 2 ek bola
Meri BV ko pata nhi kya hogaya hy
Raat ko sote hue mera pakar kr kehti hy..
“1st gear 2nd gear”
Dosra bola Ye tu kuch b nhi hy
Meri BV tu sotay may dono tangen khol kr
kehti hy 500 ka dalo.

Meera nai suicide ka plan banaya or
railway line pe dono taangen khol kar
late gai.
Next day GEO per khabar aayi:
Shalimar Express kal se ghayeb hai.

Sardar: Kitne paise lo gi?
Girl: Bed 500, Sofa 200, Zameen pe 100.
Sardarne 500 diye.
Girl: Yani Bed pe?
Sardar: Nahi 5 baar Zameen pe.

Dad, what does a vagina look like before sex?
A pink rose with loveley details.
And after sex?
Boy, ever seen a bulldog eating maiyonnaise?

Aurat doctor se: mera pati mujh se sex nhi krta.
doctor: ye 1 goli roz khilana.
aurat ne 1 goli pati ko di to rat ko pati ne sex kia,
aglay din usne 2 goli di to pati ne khub josh se sex kia,
3esray din aurat ne puri botel ki goliyan chai may mila kr khila di…
3 din bad doctor ne aurat k betay se haal chal pucha to
Beta bola : ammi mer gai hain chachi hospital may hai nokrani ne papa pe rape ka muqadma kr dia hai.
or meri g**nd abi b dukh rhe hai.

choot chorangi per ek choot ne khud kush hamla kiya
14 chootein halak 10 lund zakmi 22 topay khul gaey
40 MAMAY la pata AUR kai jhantin sulag gaein police ki
foran karwai se 19 TATTAY PAKRAY GAEY baqi tattay farar
sms miltay he under ground hojao

2 lund flim ka tickat laytay hai pehla lund dosre se bolta hai yar
flim sexy na hoo
dosra lund : kio bay
pehla lund : salay nahi to sari flim kharay ho kar daykhna parhay ga

Blind wife during sex ye kya hai? Husband: Ye taaty hain! Wife:Ye ander nhi jaty? Husband:Nhi ye bahr rehty hain Wife: Tumhare marzi bas andhi mohtaj ka haq na marna

Sardar running behind bus, and finaly catches it n asks driver,
ye bus teri ma lagti hai ? Nahi.
Behan lagti? Nahi… biwi ? nahi. To sala chadne kyu nahi deta!!

JUDGE :- aap apni patni se talaq kyon chahate hai ?
PATI : - Main patni ke sath Bistar par khush nahi hu,
PATNI :- (gusse me ):- jab sara mohalla khush hai to tum kyon nahi!!!

BUSH AIK SARDAR SE:YAHAN BAAT BAAT PER BHENCHOD Q BOLTE HAIN IS KA KIYA MATLAB HAI?
SARDAR:IS KA MATLAB HAI WATAN SE MOHABBAT KARNE WALA.
BUSH INDIA AAKAR BOLA:BAHART K BHENCHODO,MAIN BHI AIK BHENCHOD HOON LEKIN GANDHI SE BARA BHENCHOD MAIN NAY NAHI DEKHA

A boy donated blood 2 his GF. Kuch din bad ladai ho gayi.Boy ne apna khoon manga to girl ne apna whisper uske muh pr mara aur boli-monthly instalmnt me milega.

Pehle KISS karo,
phir PALANG per leta do,
phir CHADDI utar do,
phir NICHE haath lagao,
.
.
.
.
Aur check karo k
BABY ne SU SU to nahi kiya na

English
Sex is evil and evil's a sin. but sins are forgiven so lets get stuck in!!
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Urdu
Hila zor se hila hila pura hila dil se hila sabke samne hila jitna hilaogay utna
maza ayega warana halwa jal jayega:P
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Urdu
ferrari asked foxi : tumhari ankhain kyun bahar nikli hue hain ?
foxi replied :agar tumhara engine tumhare gand main laga dain tu tumhari ankhain bhee bahar nikal aayain gi.
________________________________________
Urdu
conductor : bachcay ka full ticket lage ga!
lady : yeh tu abhi nipple chusta hai!
conductor : wo tu is ka baap bhi choosta hai, tu kya uska bhi aadha loo gi ?
________________________________________
English
imtehan main aik larki nay teacher se kaha kay main nakal mar loon ?
teacher nay kaha tum naqal maroo per hum tu asal hi marain gay.
________________________________________
English
Na chahat hai sitaron ki, Na tamanna hai nazaroon ki, Bas aap jaisa dost mil
jaye
MAA CHOD DAIN GEY SAROON KI.
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English
Jack & Jill went up da hill 2 have a little fun.But stupid Jill forgot da pill and now they have a son.
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English
Peter Peter Pumpkin eater had a wife & liked to beat her smacked her twice around da head F**ked her arse & went 2 bed! Adult Funny sms
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English
A man said 2 his doctor 'everytime I look in the mirror I get an erection' the doctor said 'That's because u look like a cunt!
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English
A teacher asked "wot part of the body goes to heaven first?" A child replied "feet" - coz every nite i c my mum with her feet in the air screamin GOD I'M COMIN!
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English
A girl who opens her hands recieves gifts, who opens her heart receives love, who opens her legs receives happiness .
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English
Mobilink regrets 2 inform u that the network has gone down on everyone except u. We regret 2 inform u that no one would go down on u not even a network.
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English
23 useless parts on a mans body.20 nails u cant hammer.2 balls u cant throw &1 cock that cant "crow" dont laff ladies?? UR PUSSY CANT CATCH MICE
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English
Why do women have orgasms during sex??? It gives them something to moan about even when they are fuc***g enjoyin themselves
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English
Do you like maths?if so add a bed subtract ur clothes divide your legs and we can multiply!
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English
Types of arse ...
(_!_)An arse (__!__)Fat arse (!)Tight arse (_?_)Dumb arse (_*_)Sore arse (_zzz_)Tired arse (_E=mc2_)Smart arse (_x_)Kiss my arse!!


Types of arse ...
(_!_)An arse (__!__)Fat arse (!)Tight arse (_?_)Dumb arse (_*_)Sore arse (_zzz_)Tired arse (_E=mc2_)Smart arse (_x_)Kiss my arse!! .
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English
HOW 2 SATISFY A WOMAN: caress excite cuddle fascinate spoil kiss rub tease pamper console worship respect & love. HOW 2 SATISFY A MAN: blow job
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English
Old mother Hubbard went 2 d cupboard 2 fetch d poor dog a bone. but when she bent over Rover took over & gave her a bone of his own!